Etiquette And Responsibility At Pagan Events
by Blayze

So you have become a pagan. You feel that an alternative spirituality calls to you, a spirituality where the dogma and restrictions of mundane society and mainstream religion no longer apply. You are free to find your own path to the divine, to live by your own ethics and morality. Great. However unless you are purely a solitary creature with no contact with other people, let alone other pagans, then you will have to adjust your attitude slightly and delve into the scary realm of etiquette.

Now I don’t propose to say that your standards of etiquette have to be exactly the same as mine, but there is a middle ground that relies on the notions of common courtesy, respect for others and social responsibility. Responsibility is a big idea and one that seems to be sadly lacking in a number of pagans. More on responsibility later.

There are certain social standards that we live by when dealing with the mundane world and I don’t see why they should change just because a bunch of pagans get together. These include having the courtesy to listen when something is explained for the benefit of the group, abiding by the rules laid down by the organisers, not arriving somewhere totally plastered or stoned, or smoking in a non-smoking area. It also includes turning off your mobile phone in places like restaurants, meetings, movie theatres and rituals.  It also means not talking whilst someone else is speaking, whatever the situation. There is no excuse for downright rudeness, especially in a public place or ritual.

Now some of the areas of etiquette can be a bit grey, and in these it is better to err on the side of courtesy rather than rudeness, respect rather than intolerance. I know that just because we are all pagans and we get together sometimes, doesn’t necessarily mean that we can all get along, or even work together, however we can at least appear to try for the duration of the event. Or, alternatively, if you can’t or won’t treat the organisers or other attendees with respect, then don’t turn up in the first place. What a radical idea. 

I know we all make mistakes sometimes, that is inevitable but we can learn from them. Yes, some people may not be aware of the hidden etiquette involved in group dynamics, but let’s face it, nearly every book on paganism has something about ethics and etiquette in there somewhere. The “I didn’t know” excuse only works for so long and anyway, how well do you function in the mundane world without respect and courtesy? 

Something that I have noticed as a growing trend in pagan communities, both in the real world and online, is the lack of willingness by many pagans to actively and experientially participate in group magic and spirituality. I am not saying that there is a lack of attendance at events, just that many who do attend, do so passively. They expect to have rituals run at high energy levels, to have them run smoothly, efficiently and successfully, as well as to come away with a mind-blowing experience. This is only fair, however, what many people do not seem to realise is that for all of this to take place, they have to make themselves a part of the ritual too. 

A pagan ritual relies on the energies and input of all those present, not just the energies of those leading the ritual, whether the leaders be High Priest, High Priestess or Grand High Poobah of the Illuminate Brethren of Fluffy Rodents. I see the role of leaders or organisers of public ritual to be that of a facilitator. They are the people that do the grunt work of getting the ritual happening, they provide the framework, the cues: they manage the focusing of the energies and provide information and act as the instigators of spiritual connection. They are not there to provide all of the energies. No matter how powerful you think you are, how well you can memorise lines, how flexible you can be in ritual, it is damn hard to run a ritual when you are working with participants who just want to sit back, watch the pretty effects, talk over the pretty words, but not contribute in any way, shape or form to the outcome. In my experience, you only get back what you put in. If you are unwilling to contribute to the ritual, go sit in a church and have a priest talk at you for a couple of hours instead, or better yet… don’t attend in the first place. 

Now I am not saying that all ritual organisers are perfect, they are not, we all make mistakes but sometimes we really cannot take all of the responsibility for the success or failure of a ritual upon ourselves. Maybe the ritual wasn’t really set-up to be participatory, maybe the focus wasn’t quite right in regards to the diversity of those attending, may it really was poorly organised, but sometimes we also have to examine our own motives in attending the ritual in the first place. Were there prejudices or pre-conceptions that we took into the ritual with us? Did we really try to understand what was going on?

I feel that the responsibility for the outcome of a ritual lies with all of the people involved in that ritual. There are different responsibilities and levels of responsibilities, of course, but then again, a ritual is not something that you should attend just for something to do.

Responsibility works both ways. Organisers have the responsibility to make a ritual space as safe as possible, whilst still giving everyone involved a powerful experience into the realms of spirituality, mystery and celebration. They should make sure that everyone involved is fully aware of what will be happening (within reason), to allow participants to make an informed choice about becoming involved.  They should be prepared to deal with changes in ritual direction, be in control and flexible enough to allow a ritual or event to flow as needed. They should also have some idea of what they are doing and take responsibility for what is in their control, or should be in their control. It is also a good idea for ritual organisers to appoint someone in the ritual to guard or let people out of the ritual space, and to point this person out to everyone beforehand. This way the ritual should not be disrupted too much if someone has to depart for whatever reason. Or, if the ritual space cannot be broken, explain this before hand and let people make an informed decision about attending.

Strangely enough, running a public ritual is a lot like being a director of a play or a film. As much as some people may have an aversion to the notion of ritual theatre, there are a lot of similarities there. Unless the ritual is totally spur-of-the-moment and freeform in execution, the organiser will need to work out the structure and flow beforehand. They will need to have a clearly defined goal, know whether they will require the use of tools (or props), costumes, scripts, cast, and know also how they wish to stage the ritual itself. Addressing these issues can make a ritual run that much more smoothly. 

When writing the ritual it is also a good idea to work out the level of participation you require from participants, this also comes down to knowing your audience. If they are all of the same tradition, then you can add the idiosyncrasies of that tradition into the ritual with a fair amount of confidence that they will be understood. However, if the participants’ paths and experience levels all vary wildly, then you will need to take that into consideration as well. In public ritual, it is very hard to adapt the public to your ritual, you really need to adapt your ritual to the public. So you may have to water it down a bit from your normal ritual intensity, but you will probably have a more enjoyable and fruitful experience on the whole, with everyone sharing in the joys of a great ritual. Be practical, prepare, and keep it simple is the key here. Also by working out the ritual properly beforehand, you will also have some idea of what information you need to pass on to the participants and you can deal with this in a full ritual briefing.

The responsibility for attendees is to actually listen when rituals are outlined, attend the ritual briefing or find out if there is anything that they need to know beforehand. They should treat the ritual with respect both before and after the event. If they think they may have a problem, then ask an organiser before the event starts. There are only so many problems or questions that an organiser can think to ask or outline. It is up to participants to bring up an issue like obscure allergies, medical conditions or philosophical differences beforehand. If the participants are asked to prepare for the ritual in a certain way, then do it, or ask if you don’t know how or even why. Or, if you feel uncomfortable in the ritual, then let someone know discreetly so that you can be escorted out. Creating a fuss is just going to ruin what may be a positive experience for someone else. Of course there are extremes to any situation but these again should be handled with as much courtesy as possible and be taken on a case by case basis.

If you turn up to an event and then decide that participation is not for you, please either leave the area or sit down and watch out of the way. If you choose to just watch (and this is okay by the organisers) then please respect what is happening inside the ritual. Sit and watch, don’t talk, sing, drum, get drunk, make phone calls or disrupt what is going on in any other way. It is just plain rude and disrespectful of those who have chosen to participate. A ritual is not the place to air a grudge or engage in bitchcraft or a place that wilfully disrupting proceedings will be tolerated

The respecting or showing of courtesy towards both participants and organisers also extends to their property. Playing with, or touching, another person’s ritual tools, instruments, bags or person without permission is also a severe breach of etiquette and is not necessary. Remember, curiosity killed the cat. Touch and you may just get burned - this is not a dare! 

Remember that although we may lead alternative lifestyles we are still bound by the laws of our country. This means that anything that is illegal in the mundane world is still illegal within the pagan community. 

It is sad to think that we as a community need to occasionally be reminded of things like courtesy, respect and etiquette, but it seems that this is still the case. 

So, if you enjoy working with other pagans in a public space, go for it. Just remember, if you are on an experiential path, then embrace the experiences that you encounter, both the good and the bad and learn from them.

Sections of this article were originally published in “The Small Tapestry” and online.